ATTITUDES 
 
 
 
  I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.  
  Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
 
  I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
 
  Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I
  thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
 
  I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
  make as they go flying by.
 
  Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
 
  If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain 
  whales?
 
  Me, getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
 
  I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got
  the guts to bite people themselves.
 
  I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
 
  My Reality Check bounced.
 
  Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: How many can you afford?
 
  On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger near the escape
  key.
 
  I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
 
  You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
  butter.
 
  I don't suffer from stress. I'm merely a carrier.
 
  I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
 
  There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never
  divulge everything you know.
 
  I'd explain it to you, but your brain might explode.
 
  Tell me what you need, and I'll explain how you can get along
  without it.
 
  Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and 
  taste good with ketchup.
 
  Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
  Someday we'll look back on all this and while we're looking,
  we'll plow into a parked car.