Subject:  Actual classified ads from newspapers



FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY

HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"


GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY:
$7 -- $9 PER HOUR.


EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.


ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

(AND THE BEST ONE) FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No
longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.