FUNNY


 Hey, Let's go with the PIGS.  Think we could stand it?


 If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would 
have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of 
coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

 If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, 
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an 
atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

 The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps 
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet ( Boy, Drac 
would love that)

 A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life 
I want to be a 500 pound pig!)

 Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an 
hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)

 Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex 
for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

 On average people fear spiders more than they do death. 
(Do spiders fear people more than death)

 The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. 
(Reminds me of the newspaper blooper: "her tongue was 
busy again and I knew I would not have to see the 
dentist next week)

 You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. (I guess 
you just pass out)

 Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday. 
(Hopefully not with anchovies and onions)

 Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of 
a calorie. (What do you consume if you paste it on)

 You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than 
by a poisonous spider. (Yeah, right!!!)

 Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer 
than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous do 
you split the difference?)

 In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair from their 
bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. (I wonder 
what they plucked from their slaves?)

 A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.     (Ask me if 
I care) 
 The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 
times its own weight and always falls over on its right 
side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles 
of...........? Hello!!! Did the government fund this
research??)

 Polar bears are left handed. (Does that mean they are 
in their "right" minds)

 A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, 
before it starves to death. (OK!! How many days will 
it live with its head but without its body!!  Creepy!)

 The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its 
head is attached to its body. The female initiates 
sex by ripping the males head off.("Honey, I'm home. 
What the....f..........")

 Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life 
I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)

 Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez!)

 Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. 
(Would you want to jump if you weighed 10 tons)

 A cat's urine glows under a blacklight. "From the book 
entitled : "My head is stuck in the litter box again")

 An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know 
some people like that.)

 Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like 
that too!)