"If you want your children to listen to you, try
         talking softly to someone else."       - Unknown


        ~~~  What Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day  ~~~


  10) To be able to eat a whole candy bar by herself, and drink
      glass of Coke without any "floaters"

   9) To have my 14 year old answer a question without rolling
      her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

   8) Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

   7) A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain with
      a "Hiya, Mom" just as I put razor to my ankle.

   6) A full-time cleaning person, who looks like Brad Pitt.

   5) For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom!  I got a full
      scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

   4) A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys
      displayed at the checkout line.

   3) To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily
      secretions.

   2) To be able to sit down on a plane with my toddlers and not
      have some pencil-neck-yuppie moan, "Ohhh, nooo!  Why me?"

   1) Four words:  Fisher Price Play Prison.

                                             - Original Source Unknown


            Kid's Instructions For Smart Living  (Part I)

  Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  Patrick, Age 10

  When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
  Matthew, Age 12

  Never smart-off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
  Andrew, Age 9

  Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
  Rocky, Age 9

  Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
  Stephanie, Age 8

  Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  Rosemary, Age 7

  Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower.
  Lamar, Age 10

  Never ask for anything that costs money when your parents are doing
  taxes.
  Carrol, Age 9

  Never bug a pregnant mom.
  Nicholas, Age 11

  Don't ever be too full for dessert.
  Kelly, Age 10

  When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

  Heather, Age 16

  Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
  Michael, Age 14

  Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
  Joel, Age 12

  Never spit when on a roller coaster.
  Scott, Age 11

  Never try to baptize a cat.
  Laura, Age 13


  Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
  Chelsey, Age 7

  Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.
  Molly, Age 11

  Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
  Phillip, Age 13

  Never do pranks at a police station.
  Sam, Age 10

  Forget the cake, go for the icing.
  Cynthia, Age 8