OLD SAYINGS WITH A NEW INTERPRETATION ....
 
 ~ Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're 
 at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
 
 ~ Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and
 sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
 
 ~ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not 
 walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
 beside me, either, Just leave me the hell alone.
 
 ~ If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just
 take another road. That's why the highway department 
 made so many of them.
 
 ~ If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
 Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
 
 ~ When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes
 the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and 
 gag himself.
 
 ~ It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going
 to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time
 to do it.
 
 ~ A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near
 the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold
 the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across 
 it until he hangs up.
 
 ~ Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the 
 four food groups:  the bonbon group, the salty-snack group,
 the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-
 tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.
 
 ~ Ah, the thrill of modern dance! The sweeping musical 
 majesty, the joy of poetic motion, the challenge of 
 stuffing a dollar bill into a bouncing G-string...