A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS

 If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back,
it will always be yours.  If it doesn't come back, it
was never yours to begin with.  But, if it just sits
in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your 
food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it free

 You either married it or gave birth to it.

 Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

 Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

 Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.

 I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing
together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

 Amazing!  You hang something in your closet for awhile and
it shrinks two sizes!

 A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control
pills.  She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

 They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. 
Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the
other day after I said, "Body how'd you like to go to the 
six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"
 Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch...  do it and die."

 The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about
nothing and then they marry him.

 I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are:  eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.

 Are they kidding?  That is my idea of a perfect day.

 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around 
your neck?