This is the best one YET!

 My name is John Doe.  While driving to my office this morning on
Interstate 5 near Laguna Woods, California, I noticed an attractive woman in a brand new Mustang. She had her face right up next to the rearview mirror, putting on eye make-up. I looked away for a few seconds, and when I looked back, there she was, halfway over into my lane - still working on her damn eyeliner.  It scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the Krispy Kreme Doughnut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car with my knees against the steering wheel, I lost control of my cell phone, which was comfortably perched between my ear and shoulder. It fell into my
Starbucks coffee nestled between my legs, which splashed and burned Big Bob & the Twins, ruined the phone and disconnected an important call with my broker.  .....Damn Women Drivers!!!