thoughts 
1. Birds of a feather flock together and then crap on your 
   car.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time 
   to look for it.  for example I am sitting here right 
   now thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
   neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be 
   vague.

5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

6. A penny saved is a government oversight.

7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the 
   right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid 
   the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, 
   because by then your body and your fat are really 
   good friends.

9. The easiest way to find something lost around the 
   house is to buy a replacement.

10. He who hesitates probably has a darn good reason.

11. If you think there is good in everybody, you 
    haven't met everybody.

12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have 
    someone in mind to blame.

13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so 
    he can tell when he is really in trouble.

14. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include 
    a free trip around the sun.

15. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better 
    when it's open.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the 
    depth!

17. The difference between butt-kissing and brown-nosing 
    is depth perception.

18. Inside every older person is a younger person 
    wondering what the heck happened!

19. Somewhere out there at this very moment someone is 
    preparing a bill for you.

20. Never get into a fight with an ugly person, they have 
    absolutely nothing to lose.